Amish Leg Warmers

There's this Amish girl and she tells her mom that her hands are cold. So her mom tells her to put them between her legs to get them warm. So she does and it surprisingly works.

The next day, her Amish boyfriend says his hands are cold so she tells him to put them between her legs. He does and it works, so he tells her his penis is cold and she tells him to put it between her legs.

She goes home and says,''Hey mom, do you know what a penis is?''

"Yes," her mom says.

The girl says, ''Did you know they're really messy when they thaw out?"

Three Doctors

Three Doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''

Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''

Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''

I Hit Two of My Best Balls

Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked him how his weekend was. He said he played a little golf. So his co-worker asked him how well he did.

"I hit two of my best balls," he said.

"Tell me about it," said his co-worker.

"I stepped on a rake."

 Reasons Santa Can't Be a Man

 Men can't pack a bag.
Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...
having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be
described, even in jest, as anything remotely
resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's
wearing them.
Having to do the "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously
inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would
require a commitment.

Bill and Hillary

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me, I said throw out the first pitch."